Carly Ottaway: It’s Time to Stop Editing Your Own Story

In this episode I’m joined by Carly Ottaway—brand storyteller, founder of Web of Words, and a voice of calm clarity in the noisy world of creative entrepreneurship. After years of helping others shape their stories, Carly is now embracing her own, letting go of perfection, and leaning into presence, purpose, and personal truth.

What we cover:

✨ Letting go of control and learning to trust the process 
🌀 The uncomfortable magic of surrender, uncertainty, and growth 
🔥 How meditation, subconscious work, and walking through fire transformed her inner world 
🎙️ The emotional weight of telling your story, and why it’s worth it 
💛 Raising kids while staying connected to your own values and dreams

Carly reminds us that you don’t need to have it all figured out to make an impact, and that your story, especially the messy parts, deserves to be seen. This conversation is an invitation to show up as your favourite version of yourself and let the rest unfold.

Find Carly:
• 📲 Instagram: itscarlyottaway
• 📲 Business Instagram: webofwords_
• 🌎 Website : webofwords.ca

Links For You:
• Follow me on IG
• Follow me on TikTok
• Subscribe to my newsletter!
• Anxiously Ambitious Website

Transcript

Janette Downie (00:01)
Okay, welcome back everyone to the show. I am super, super excited today to have a very special guest, someone who I've been so lucky to get to know especially well over the last little while and feel so grateful to know you but also call you a friend and been able to have so many fun experiences together. Carly Ottaway is here. Welcome Carly to the show.

Carly (00:27)
Thank you, thank you, I'm so excited to be here.

Janette Downie (00:29)
Yeah, me too. So how I kind of wanted to open us up is I've got a question. I was just talking, you know, before we started recording that I no longer really ask people to dive into their their story and take us down the timeline of how you got here. But I do want to know that, you know, a lot of the things I talk about on the show is how much we evolve and how much we change in business and in life and that sometimes

We don't even know kind of what version of ourselves we're looking at. So if you had to introduce yourself today, not in that kind of polished, here's what I do way, but more in a, is what I'm feeling or this is where I'm at way, what would you do for that?

Carly (01:13)
I love that. Okay. I feel like I have been going through this deep stripping process, letting go process. I just celebrated 10 years in business and it feels like a fresh start, but also it feels like full circle. Like I'm coming back to my roots really on a whole other level from where I started, which was always around.

Janette Downie (01:28)
Yeah, that's a me.

Carly (01:41)
brand storytelling. That's what got me so excited. My background's in journalism. I love sharing the power of people's stories and then building connections through that. But yeah, just on my own kind of personal growth journey, I feel like I have really been stepping into my full authentic self in whole new way and giving myself permission to share my story in a new way. Yeah, I've kind of realized I was playing safe and hiding a little bit behind the keyboard and sharing everyone else's stories. And so it's been such a process of becoming the author of my own story and that journey. Yeah, it's exciting and scary.

Janette Downie (02:20)
Yeah.

It's so cool. It's actually something I was thinking about as I was getting ready for this show and thinking about how, you spend so much time thinking about curating, helping others create their stories that it could be hard, I would imagine, to one, even just put in the time to think about your own story, right?

Carly (02:48)
Yeah, I always say that was kind of, if I had one regret, which I mean, I don't live with regrets of how I built my business, but for sure, I let myself get so caught up with growing the business and growing my clients' businesses, honestly, more so than my own. And really that happened very organically through referrals. But because of that, I didn't do that foundational work that is so important. it's really now another process of, you know, practicing what I preach.

walking the talk. And it's a great reminder because sometimes we need to go back and feel like in our client's shoes again, and remember, you know, all the different things that they're struggling with, not just from a strategic level, but very much from a mindset subconscious level. And so I've been on that journey too. And it's helped me just relate to my clients in new ways as well. And like really feel like I'm going on on the journey with them.

Janette Downie (03:45)
Totally. Okay, can you share some of the ways that you feel like you are playing safe?

Carly (03:50)
my God, so many, so many. Like when I first started the business, it was just me. a year and I convinced my husband to join me, but that was never part of the plan. He just didn't like his job. And like, literally it was one of those spontaneous dinner conversations where I was like, what if you actually join me and we do this together? And that was, you know, over nine years ago now. but he helped me play bigger right off the bat. I just wanted to do what I love and write for a living, serve clients that I loved.

And he really helped me see it more as a business and building a team, which I'm so grateful for because that's why we've been able to scale the way we have in a way that supports growing a family at the same time as growing our business and really being able to now be at a stage with our kids are six and three. And I feel like we can be so present with them because we've established the business. We're 10 years in. It's a really exciting place to be at this time, at this season of life. But I didn't imagine that.

I just really always kind of thought it would just be me for a long time. So was a huge, that was my biggest adjustment off the bat was really starting to see the businesses so much more than just me. And that was a process and it took a long time. And yeah, I think I always have that reminder. Like even when I would do little exercises of like dreaming about my future self, it was very much.

It was hard for me to envision something beyond where I was. I just had a hard time with that. So I've really been intentional about getting myself in rooms and surrounding myself with those people who are a doing the things that I want to be doing, but also they're dreaming big and I get to see their dreams and feel expanded by that. And then, you know, of course, make sure that I'm still staying authentic to my own core values when it comes to what I want. but yeah, it's, it's such a process, like going from that.

I'm a small town girl. wasn't exposed to this world growing up. I never could have envisioned it. mean, our businesses wouldn't have existed obviously back then, right? So, and just imagining even 10 years from now, how much is going to change? hard to envision that. But I do a lot of meditation and stuff that really helps me tap into that.

Janette Downie (05:53)
Totally.

Yeah. yeah, I know. I relate to obviously so many things. And I think it's one of the reasons we connect so well to is we do have a lot of things in common. And just down to that, very simple conversation about deciding to work together as a couple, like same thing for us. It was such a casual kitchen conversation and be like, why don't we just try this, you know, like, see how it goes. And then and then you go down this path. But it's it's so true. And trying to work through

Carly (06:26)
love that.

Janette Downie (06:34)
Man, just so many narratives, right? And whether it's stories that we tell ourselves, stories we convince ourselves based on what we hear from other people. So now that you feel like you're stepping more into authenticity, can you share a little bit about what that looks like or even what that feels like, you know, in opposition to that playing small?

Carly (06:57)
Yeah. Yeah. I think again, it kind of comes down to that stripping process. You know, it's so easy with the Plank Small, like I was kind of alluding to where, you know, you start surrounding yourself in these environments, but it's easy to lose track of your own path in that and get distracted by someone else's dreams and their definition of success. And I've always had this tug and pull between being like super ambitious. I've always been like really goal oriented, super ambitious. But then a part of me, especially since having kids has

also been like enjoying my comfort zone of like, I've already created something so much more amazing than what I thought. Like I just want to enjoy it too. And really reminding myself of that, that in this season of life, I'm giving myself permission to just enjoy what we've created. And it's beyond what I could have imagined 10 years ago, you know? And that also gives me, it's exciting. Cause just like those spontaneous dinner conversations, like leaving room for

possibility that you haven't even considered yet and knowing that it's going to turn out even better than you're imagining. Because when I reflect, that's how I feel like to my younger self. It's even better than you could have possibly imagined. leaving, just being open to that possibility and like allowing yourself to play in that I think is so important. But yeah, I feel like it's been really just tuning back into my

authentic core values and needs and that's what I use as my compass. have these kind of key pillars that really help me define success in my own terms and that's what I lean on when I'm making big decisions and in my manifestation practice and just even, yeah, between that tug and pull and the balance of family and business, which is constant and so wild to navigate. so I...

Janette Downie (08:42)
Sorry.

Carly (08:45)
I'm able to tune back into that because there's for sure parts of my business that serve me in ways that my family life, my motherhood journey don't. That's why I love being able to do both. you absolutely can do both to their full potential. It's just staying true to those values I think is the key.

Janette Downie (09:06)
Yeah. Did you have anything specific that you had to let go of in order to step into this and maybe something that you gained unexpected in return?

Carly (09:12)
Mm-hmm.

such a good question. I feel it's not so much like a tangible answer, but it's really that control. Like everything, I really went through a pivotal moment when I, every time it's been when I realizing I'm gripping too close to something and trying to control the outcome too much, you know, from back thinking of when I expanded the team beyond me of like that mentality of it has to be me.

Janette Downie (09:26)
me

Yeah.

Carly (09:45)
You know, my clients are expecting it to be me. I'm the one doing it all. And the more, it's a practice, right? And the more that I would step back and loosen up my grip, the better I got at it. And now I just feel like I am so comfortable in deep surrender and actually more comfortable there than when I try to control. Like the control actually makes me now feel not unaligned. Cause I'm like, I catch myself in that. I'm like, this isn't me. I actually,

Janette Downie (10:01)
Yeah.

Carly (10:15)
I being in a state of flow and deep trust.

Janette Downie (10:20)
Yeah. And how interesting is that too, right? Because something like feeling like you need to be in control, that feels like a big thing to attach yourself to, right? And like an identity piece, like I need to be in control to feel okay, right? So many people have that story, or like I need to be the one running the show, calling the shots, making sure that every little aspect of my life is in control in the way that I think it's supposed to be.

Carly (10:36)
Yes.

Janette Downie (10:50)
And I think there's such an interesting thing, like that surrender that you touched about. You almost, I don't know if you would say it like this, but like gain more real control by doing, right? Instead of perceived control.

Carly (11:02)
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, it's so true. it's such a freeing place to be where I mean, I always noticed like when I feel like those moments are like, look, that's growth. I feel that growth when things that, you know, would have sent me spiraling a few years ago even are actually remind me now of momentum building, you know, because that shedding process, whether it's like even losing a client or losing a team member or any kind of like growing apart.

I always now trust and know that it's actually just making space for something even better and more aligned. And that's become such a mantra for me. And it feels so good to, and it doesn't mean that it's always easy for sure. you know, but I know from experience too, that it will, it will work out even better and I'll find my way and I'll figure it out. And I have, you know, the people and the systems in place to help me guide me through that. And I love.

I love being in that space. To me that just is pure magic.

Janette Downie (12:07)
I agree and experience is the best teacher. We can try to learn so much from other people and what they share. When I first started my podcast, when it was Cool, Calm and Rich, before I rebranded into this new direction, one of the things that I was really interested in was, is it possible for us to share stories and teach people so that they don't have to have the same experience?

Carly (12:35)
Mm-mm.

Janette Downie (12:36)
that we have had and to like learn from our mistakes and the things that have happened before. But then I'm not sure that like you don't have to experience some of these things in order to progress.

Carly (12:51)
Yeah.

Yeah. What if it's not so much about learning it to avoid that situation or avoid that challenge, but more just sharing our stories so that others feel seen as they're going through that. And they're like, okay, this is normal. this hap, this is happened to this person and look at where they're at now. And I think that's more what it's about is really just letting ourselves be seen and sure, maybe having some, some.

concrete steps that can help that you didn't have. Absolutely. But I agree. I think the experience is what it's all about. And I think it builds resilience and trust and strength and these skills that are so important in entrepreneurship and in long-term sustainable entrepreneurship. And I love the rebrand. I can so think back to my anxious, my anxious, ambitious self.

Janette Downie (13:27)
No.

Yeah. You gave me two.

that.

Carly (13:47)
who would let one small mishap ruin a full vacation, which was always a working vacation back then, because I would just spiral and always go to worst case scenario. And yeah, I don't do that anymore, thankfully.

Janette Downie (14:02)
Mm hmm. Yeah,

and so much of that is probably because of all of the challenges that you've gone through and the lessons that you've learned and the willingness to persevere through that, right? Like, I've kind of changed my tune about that as well. It's like, I actually think that the growth journey, if you are so willing to go down it, like everything that's going to happen on that journey is inevitable. And

Carly (14:15)
Yeah.

Janette Downie (14:28)
And you're so right. You literally gave me chills saying it's not about not experiencing these things. It's more about being seen. And when you're seen, you can feel supported. You actually feel so much better going through the challenge if someone else does say, hey, I see that in you. I've been there. I know what that feels like. And it's not necessarily like, here's the roadmap to get out of it.

but like you're not alone, right?

Carly (14:58)
Yes,

absolutely. Because the isolation combined with that fear and risk can be a really scary place to be in. And of course, like with entrepreneurship, there's always a lot of risk involved. And I mean, the best entrepreneurs are the ones that see risk as an exciting challenge and are, you know,

ready to take those big risks and looking back and at those kind of pivotal moments, they were all had a lot of risk involved and some that I am grateful that I was naive enough to not realize just how much risk was involved at that time. know, so I think it's all, you know, and I think that's important lesson to keep in mind in today's kind of economic and political landscape where there's a lot of unknown and uncertainty again for business owners. But I feel like there's a little bit of relief in knowing like,

Janette Downie (15:28)
Wow.

Carly (15:48)
There's always been a lot of unknown and uncertainty and there's so much out of our control and that we can't predict, but we've found our way before, you know? And if we can really trust ourselves and like, are so agile and we have so many skills and there's so much opportunity to continue to evolve and grow and pivot. you know, it really is the possibilities are endless.

Janette Downie (16:17)
Yeah, it's so true and I think about that a lot. often reflect on how I actually don't think that there was any less of the things that we're facing right now in the past. I just don't think it was so in your face. Like things really changed and evolved with the availability of information, right? And the internet and so yeah, so

Carly (16:31)
Yeah.

Yes, so true. So true.

I'm watching, if you watch the spinoffs of Yellowstone, like the, gosh, if you, if you need a little bit of a reality call, like how much harder it was back in like, you know, those times, it's obviously extreme and, and there's a lot of drama involved, but it's interesting to kind of think of how different our challenges are now and not to undermine that they're still hard in different ways, but.

Janette Downie (16:43)
No.

Mm.

Carly (17:06)
Sometimes you need that contrast too.

Janette Downie (17:08)
Yeah,

yeah, just a little bit of like, it could have been like this, you know.

Carly (17:11)
Right. Like look

at us now working, you know, just the gratitude of it. We have built businesses from our homes with a sick kid in the other room getting to have conversations like these in other provinces, you know, how and connect to people with the click of a button. Like, it's amazing.

Janette Downie (17:23)
Totally.

I know,

I know. And I was gonna say sometimes those shows too really like glamorize those challenges. So people who often I think be like, oh, you know, I wish I lived in that. But that's just because it's televised that way, right?

Carly (17:40)
It's so true.

It's so true. And I mean, we'll always have the nostalgia of remembering growing up in the 90s and coming home when the streetlights went out.

Janette Downie (17:50)
I know, right? I do want to talk a little bit more about storytelling and since this is something that you do, and I mean, I've seen it and I've seen how you've affected people being able to tell their stories. And I'd be very curious, know, as someone's navigating telling their story and navigating being authentic and being real, I'm always curious from like a professional standpoint,

Carly (17:50)
Yes.

Janette Downie (18:17)
How would you guide someone to really tell their story in a way that they can really be themselves, be authentic, be real? And how much of that has to be balanced with, I guess, what you would call a professional side of telling your story? Because for so many people, and I think a lot of the people who are listening to this, they are entrepreneurs and they're trying to learn how to tell their story. So is there a balance that's required? Or like, yeah, how would you guide someone through that?

Carly (18:32)
you

That's

a good question. Yeah. One thing that comes up for me that I realized was a big shift is kind of being, you know, a copywriter and, and offering like the done for you copywriting services where we would, you know, work with our clients and write out their website copy and build their sales pages. I realized there was such a gap with like handing over your, your done for you copy and them actually embodying that story and showing up in that way. So to rewind a little bit. Yeah.

Janette Downie (19:13)
interesting.

Carly (19:15)
I feel like we've shifted to be able to offer more support in that. And that's again, kind of from my own journey and what I've learned in that process too. But I really see us, like me and my team and anyone in this role as being a mirror that is able to reflect back that, I don't even wanna say like highest version of self, but almost like their favorite, their favorite version of self.

Janette Downie (19:20)
Okay.

I like

that, that's nice.

Carly (19:43)
Right?

I feel so much better. The person that just, and that's to me, they're most authentic. The person that feels most like exciting to them that, you know, feels, just makes them feel good. That reflection, that really makes you feel like your confident self. And I even think of kind of like, think of a time in your life when you just felt your most confident, like that energy. And maybe it's like childhood, you know, when nothing was holding you back. I look at my

my six year old daughter now and the way she like dances in the hallway. And I'm just like, like, we could bottle up that confidence, you know. So anyway, I think that we're able to reflect that back and guide them through that. it's a process after that as well of continuing to help them, you know, even work through some of the limiting beliefs and retrain their subconscious mind to actually see themselves that way. Because it's so important that we have

Janette Downie (20:17)
Thanks.

Carly (20:37)
are able to surround ourselves with people who see us as our favorite self. I share that story often of Luke, my husband, and those darker moments in business when I remember a specific moment when I was ready to burn it all down. Deep in the self doubt and comparison, and he just stops me and he's like, I wish you could see yourself the way that I see you. And it just like...

stop me and on my tracks, because I'm like, okay, yeah, why is that so hard for me to see? And I feel that way about our clients sometimes like, oh, I wish you could see yourself the way that I see you. so that's my goal always is to help them see that and then truly believe it and embody it and step into their power in that way. Yeah. Did I answer your question?

Janette Downie (21:27)
I don't even care if you do. I don't remember. I'm mesmerized by everything you're saying.

Carly (21:34)
I love you.

Janette Downie (21:35)
Like I love that and putting it in that way and it's so true. We have the hardest times with our own brands, our own stories, like the way that we're showing up if we're talking about social media, like being able to come up with our own content is so much harder than like I come across that for myself all the time also working in marketing. I could look at someone else's stuff and I could tell you so quickly like

this is what's working, this is not what's not working. Here's how I see you. Here's your magic. Here's your genius. Like it's so easy when looking at other people, but you I don't know what that is, why that's so hard for us. I don't know if it's like, it's probably lived experience, you know, it probably does have some things to do with childhood. And I do try to be really reflective of my own life and think like, okay, where did things change for me? When did I stop being my most authentic self? Right? Like,

Carly (22:27)
us.

Janette Downie (22:29)
I can think of myself as a young kid and I know what that authenticity looked like. And how did that start to change and shift? And that's probably what it is for most people, right? Like we have life experiences that have shifted our story and or show up differently. But I love that, like reflecting on that favorite version of yourself. That's such a good way to put it.

Carly (22:34)
Hmm.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm glad that that resonates. And for me too, I've been working on my first solo book, writing my book. It's like my childhood dream. It's been, you know, finally I'm taking action on it. And literally I'm like, I'm two years in, but I'm close now. I'm close. It's happening. I can talk about it now. But it's been such a journey and I wouldn't fast track it, which I think is a whole other conversation about that too, because I really had to take the long route.

Janette Downie (23:04)
cool

Wow. Like, how cute. How cute.

Carly (23:23)
to get this book out the way that it needs to be done. Like I've rewritten it so many times. It's changed direction so many times. I did not have clarity at the beginning. Like I knew I wanted to write it. I knew I wanted to share this powerful story, but I didn't know. I didn't know exactly how it was coming together. And then just recently, like it really clicked for me and the writing that I've done since then, and even rereading writing that I did a year ago that I've refined and changed. I'm like looking back and I'm like, my God, this is actually

pretty fucking good. And my story is actually pretty fucking powerful. And I actually get like hot saying that right now. Like I like, cause it's feels hard to even say that, but that is how I've been feeling lately. And I think it's important to say it because like you said, even as marketers, copywriters, people in this space doing this work every day for other people, we still have the same challenges doing it for ourselves. And

I've gone through so many stages of this book where I'm just like, I am the worst writer in the world. What am I thinking? Who am I to write this book? This is complete shit. No one's gonna read this to now. And who knows, I could be back there next week. Let's be real. Right now, I'm in a good space and I'm like really appreciating it and just letting myself feel those feelings.

When you can and you hold, I think that's the practice of that and finding a way now to hold onto that and to like see it in that way. And who knows what everyone else will think. I'm not even, I'm not letting myself go there yet. But I just feel very excited about this story that I have to share and I believe in it and I believe it'll have an impact. And that, I think if you can see that in your story and really hold onto that and don't get distracted thinking about the masses and the football field.

worth of views. Think of just the ones within your community. Think of like the 20 person workshop that like that kind of room that you can impact by sharing your experience. You know, that's huge. And we underestimate and undervalue that because we're so used to chasing hundreds and thousands, you know.

Janette Downie (25:37)
Yeah.

Yeah, one of the shifts that's been really powerful for me lately as well and thinking about that is just the impact that sharing my stories and my authenticity has on myself. Like, not even just trying to impact other people, which is a wonderful side effect of it, but like just the impact that it has for me, you know, just being honest, just saying what I really think and how I really feel.

Carly (25:51)
Mm-hmm.

Janette Downie (26:08)
and not trying to, I don't even think about at all anymore. Like if I'm putting out certain specific posts maybe, but when I'm really thinking about my story, I'm like, you know what? The profound impact this has for me to just say these words at all is huge.

Carly (26:27)
I love that. that's what I feel like with this book. It's really just become about myself becoming the person who went on this journey and shared this story and how much I've grown and changed in that process. Like truly, the experience of creating it is what is going to impact me more so than the launch party or whatever comes next, which I just believe will unfold exactly as it's meant to. And it's truly been about.

the experience along the way. And so why would I want to shorten that and take the shortcut that, you know, wouldn't have have put, turned me into the person that I am now. Like,

Janette Downie (27:09)
Yeah,

absolutely. I know you made me laugh thinking about the process and you know how like one minute you love it, the next minute you hate it. I feel that way in my photography, especially every photo shoot I ever do. It starts off, I'm like, I love this. This was a best shoot. It was so fun. The photos are so good. First look at them, go through them. Okay, there's so many good ones in here. Start editing them. You've been looking at it for a while. I'm like, I hate

every single one of these, they're going to hate the photos, they're going to hate me as a result of it, like just this process and you realize though that there's nothing actually wrong with going through that and that that actually is, that is the creative process. It's like going through the motions, it is going through different feelings and I've started to notice that

Carly (27:54)
Yes.

Janette Downie (28:03)
that's not actually necessarily reflective of the work that I'm doing, but it's just this like necessary emotional journey that comes as a result of doing the work. And I saw this really great post. was from Dan, Dan Levy, is that his name? It was shared by someone on my team, Tassie, and then also one of our clients at the same time ended up posting this as well. But he was just talking about how

Carly (28:13)
Mmm.

Yeah, yeah, love him.

Janette Downie (28:31)
necessary that is in the creative journey and that how we forget that like because of how I think things are presented we only ever see the finished product of things we forget that it's actually necessary to like like something and then not like it and then change and pivot and grow and it's messy and there's ugly parts of it but it's all necessary to get to the end result.

Carly (28:34)
Yes.

Oh, absolutely. And it makes me think of, you know, this, this marketing world that we're living in where it's these like short form pieces of content that we're like scrutinizing over, but really you, you need to have that lens of taking a step back and actually looking at, know, your feed from the last six months, like the last year. that's, that's the evolution instead of letting yourself get so distracted by one specific post.

I'm putting so much pressure on that one post that's like quick that, you know, you maybe just wrote up this morning and are posting like right afterwards. Whereas I'm talking about this, you know, we're talking about these longer creative processes that you have time to give yourself space from the, the content too, which I also think is, is a crucial part of that. Like you need to find ways to give yourself space, to be able to see it in a different way versus when you're like in the thick of editing mode and the writing mode. And you're just like,

What am I even doing? Nothing makes sense. It's all horrible.

Janette Downie (29:57)
I know. I know. It's such a journey and it means very worth taking, I think.

Carly (30:03)
So worth

it. So worth it. just embracing it and yeah, letting it be messy, letting it be out of control.

Janette Downie (30:10)
Yeah, absolutely. So one of the things that I really admire about you is the amount of kind of time and effort and energy that you actually commit to meditation, manifestation, reprogramming. it's something to me, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, but as I see you, I see you putting a real effort into that. And it's something that

Carly (30:22)
Mmm.

Janette Downie (30:35)
I can see like affects you in your daily life and in your business as well. Would you be able to share a little bit of what are some of your routines and rituals and why it's so important to you?

Carly (30:48)
Yes. Thank you for asking this question. Yeah. Okay. So I would say my meditation practice really started a few years ago when I lost my house in a house fire and my husband and I, had two, our kids were really young. I had a nine month old at the time. Our youngest was nine. And so our oldest was three and we were renovating and there was a fire and we lost everything.

the whole house. Luckily, we hadn't moved in a bunch of stuff. So I can only imagine that, like what people go through with that. It's a whole other realm. it was wild. Talk about complete surrender and loss of control. And so that's when I kind of discovered Tubi Magnetic, which I will always like, I just love them so much that platform. And they have these different types of meditations. They call them DIs. And they are like a combination of hypnosis and somatic

practices. And so I started doing that, but I was brand new to meditation. And I first was like, I don't know how the heck to do this. was also, you I had young kids. I would just fall asleep always. I do. Right. Yeah. Cause I'd also, I would do them at the end of the day when like I finally had a window for myself, you know, kind of also lessen in that obviously I was like,

Janette Downie (32:00)
That's like me when I started to meditate as well. I asleep, yeah.

Carly (32:14)
My priority on myself was the very last thing I was putting myself on.

Janette Downie (32:17)
last video of

the day. Yeah.

Carly (32:20)
But I just, but I still just kept doing it. Even when I fell asleep, I just was like, okay, I just needed to sleep. That's what I needed to get out of this. And that's okay. Like not expecting anything. And then as I, my schedule shifted, I was able to prioritize myself a little bit more as my kids got a little bit more independent and slept a little bit better. And I think the big shift for me with it, when I was really able to step into it was that I let it be messy.

I realized I don't have to be set my perfect scene, light the candle, have my house be quiet, have my kids be in bed and, you know, leaving me alone for 20 solid minutes. I actually started doing limitations on walks, because that's the window that I could get to myself when I were in a go for a dog walk. I even have done them like I have a portable sauna, the hilarious one where my head sticks out, which I love because I can meditate in it. And

It's in the basement. kid's playroom is right next door and I put on my noise canceling headphones and I'll do it right there. And they'll like come and like poke me in the face literally because I my eye mask on, my head sticking out. They'll poke me, they'll call me and it'll pull me sometimes out of it. But I'm like, still am getting something out of it. And if that's all I could get out of it today, I still made it happen. I still did it. And I think that was very permission giving for me just letting myself do it in a messy way. I mean, I can remember even like

Janette Downie (33:24)
No.

Carly (33:45)
listening to meditation, nursing, like just letting myself find any window that I could. And now I have a lot more. I still love to do it in the sauna. I am better at carving out that time when my kids aren't around to poke me and that's just my time for myself. And like, it makes such a difference in my day. And just knowing that I'm, that I'm prioritizing myself in that way is so.

important and I know how much it impacts me. So it's not hard to convince myself to carve it out because I know what it's going to do for me and my nervous system and the way that I show up in my relationships, in my work, for my kids at the end of the day when, you know, maybe it's been a harder work day and like, I don't want them to get that what's left of me. I say that often. I want them to get the best of me, not what's left of me. And that means prioritizing myself during the day so that I can show up.

for them the way that I would show up for my clients at 10 a.m.

Janette Downie (34:41)
Yes, my gosh, I am taking that and remembering that because that's totally in alignment with how I feel and can you say it again for me?

Carly (34:52)
Yeah, I want them to get the best of me, not what's left of me.

Janette Downie (34:57)
Ooh, I feel like there's so many things that I want to give the best of me to before a lot of other things. And what a great way to be able to put things into perspective and to understand what your priorities are.

Carly (35:11)
Yeah. And even coming back to what you were saying, like you can actually also very much apply that to yourself. Why are you getting the worst of yourself? Like, which is, you know, maybe to a point when I was meditating, when I, at the end of the day, when I was falling asleep, I, if I really was letting myself get the best of me, I would have done it at a different time and prioritized it. But at the same time, there's some seasons where you just got to do whatever you can and get it where you can. And I believe that too. It's not easy.

Janette Downie (35:36)
Yeah,

yeah, and I think there's even a value to that too, because like I said, I was the same when I first started to learn and try meditation, and I would do it before bed and I would just fall asleep. But there's got to be a value in that too, right? Like, if it's just that you're surrendering to sleep, and that that's what you really need, like, that also is okay and is a good thing. And the other thing I'm trying to wrap my

Carly (35:50)
partying.

Janette Downie (36:02)
and it's a huge challenge for me is doing these things that are good for me in front of my son, right? I really struggle with that because he is super high energy and like wants 100 % of your attention. If you are in the room with him, he wants all of your attention and I have no problem with that. But I do want to also model some of these things. Like I wanna show...

Carly (36:09)
Mm-hmm.

Janette Downie (36:30)
him that I meditate, that I take care of myself. And it does become a challenge because then it's like, am I really meditating? Am I getting anything out of it? Or is it just that letting him see it? I don't know. I don't know if there's a right or wrong in that scenario, but I feel like there's some value in that.

Carly (36:46)
Yeah.

Absolutely. mean, just like we were talking about the importance of us seeing other business owners that are living the dreams that we have for ourselves. Same with our kids, of course, like seeing that in action is huge. And I think that's the biggest part of parenthood is more showing through your own actions, right? But at the same time,

It's not that they even have to necessarily see you in action. think there's also, remind myself of this all the time when like the importance of just them knowing I'm putting a boundary down, like, no, actually, I know you're here at home right now and you want to play with me, but this is mommy's time. I'm going to close my door. I'm going to take my 20 minutes to meditate. You can find something else to do, which again is easier said than done. And then, then

I will be fully present and we'll go and then once I'm done, we'll go play this. We'll go do this thing that you want to do together. But mommy's taking this time first. And there's that too, right? I think that's so important for them to just learn to respect those boundaries, but also just see us put those boundaries down for ourselves too, as women, especially that, you know, setting that example that we're not just bending over backwards for everyone else, putting everyone else before ourselves.

Janette Downie (38:01)
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. they do they feel okay when you like impose those boundaries or what?

Carly (38:13)
not usually, my daughter, especially just, she'll be the opposite. So I actually have to be mindful of the way that I say it because I want it to be clear that it's a boundary, but I, she is just the kind, like she's so physical touch is her, like a big part of her love language. And so as soon as she thinks that I'm like pushing back, she's like clinging more. That's I just know that about her. So I just have to be mindful of the way that I'll go about it.

Janette Downie (38:21)
Yeah.

I mean.

Carly (38:42)
And often it's more actually I'll try to kind of find the window when she's distracted and then I'll come back and talk to her about it afterwards. Like I just did this and I put this time for myself and we can kind of reflect on that that way versus her feeling like left out and like she really wants me in that moment.

Janette Downie (38:58)
Yeah, I think that's so important, that communication aspect of just explaining. Like that's something I've really learned with my son is that if I just say no, or like I just impose a boundary and I don't give any explanation to him or like include him in the reasoning and what the purpose is, then he gets pissed about it. But...

Carly (39:16)
Mm-hmm.

Janette Downie (39:23)
if I can explain it and also even reflect it back to him so that he can relate to it, right? Like, and he is a little bit older, like he's six now as well, but so it's easier to do that now, but just reflecting it back to him, like, hey, you know how sometimes you need to do certain things for yourself to feel better? Like, this is something that I really need and creating that understanding. I think we don't give kids enough credit for what they're...

willing to do or how they're willing to be understanding if we give them that information.

Carly (39:54)
Yes.

So true. So true. And that's so empowering for them, for us to give them that chance. I remember she did some thing in kindergarten that was like a whole cup filling exercise that they did. And I was so grateful for it afterwards because it just made it so clear for her to use that analogy. And I could say to her, like, this is filling Mommy's cup. And when she would do things that would just make me feel her love, I would say, you just filled Mommy's cup so much. And that really…

She got it and she would say the same. And so it was just like, I think it's finding that language that really resonates with them that helps you would be able to explain it in a way that they actually understand.

Janette Downie (40:34)
Totally. Yeah. I love that. Okay, I have a couple more things before I want to take us through sort of my rapid fire at the end here, which never ends up being rapid. So I might as well stop calling it that. Exactly. So one of the things that I was curious about is so if you stripped away

Carly (40:43)
Awesome.

The not so rapid fire.

Janette Downie (40:56)
all of kind of the expectations in your life and the roles and the responsibilities, like we've identified quite a few in this conversation. If you were literally just listening to your own voice, what do you think that your soul is trying to tell you in this season of your life?

Carly (41:15)
My goodness, how much time do we have? That's such a good question. Yeah, I think I'm still figuring that out a little bit and letting myself like explore, be exploratory in that process. But honestly, what comes to mind for me is just presence. I just got back from a vacation with our kids and I and my head was like, Oh, you know, they'll go to bed, I'll do a little bit of work here and there. I didn't work at all. I didn't.

Janette Downie (41:29)
Yeah.

Carly (41:45)
field pulled to work. didn't honestly and I was with my husband like that, you know how hard that is to not even talk about work. We were reflected afterwards. We were like, we talked about work one time because someone texted us and like a group text and that and even in that moment, I'm like, hey, you handle this. I'm not even dealing with this. And we did and I was like, that is huge. Like our kids can be so good at that, right? Like pulling us in to be present with them and being able to just and it was such a

Janette Downie (42:02)
Yeah.

Carly (42:13)
of precious kind of time and we both knew that. So it just makes me appreciate that. And the presence in these conversations, like just being able to be fully present in this conversation with you, like I think that that is what it comes down to. Whatever I'm doing, I'm not feeling like I'm, and this is such a practice and something I struggle still with every day. So I'm still in the stripping process, but trying to tune out the to-do list in the back of my mind and the notifications and.

really just let myself know that, right now, this is what I'm doing. This is what I'm focusing on. I'm showing up fully in this moment.

Janette Downie (42:48)
Yeah.

Well, I love that you said that. That's my word for 2025 is presence. I resonate hard.

Carly (42:54)
that was, yes, that was my word.

Yeah. And that was my word maybe last year, the year before. And I remember I made it my word thinking of all the ways I wanted to be present with like the people I love and the people that I surround myself with. But what I really learned was the presence with myself in that process. And I, I, was like through my meditation practice and like just like the

Janette Downie (43:13)
Yes.

God, yes.

Like another thing that we don't grant ourselves. That idea of being present, we're not even thinking about being present with ourselves. It's like for everyone around us still and present, I mean, in every moment and soaking it all in, but then it's almost like you forget to apply that for moments that you're alone or just reflecting things back to yourself. You've blown my mind.

Carly (43:20)
Yes.

Yes.

Right. and, and yeah, journaling, meditating, and also just doing nothing. Like also just literally letting myself do nothing. And that's when I try, I try to do that on every kind of trip or even like retreat that I'm on now. I just try to carve out a little bit of space to do nothing. Cause it's so hard to find that. and that's when, that's when like the magic comes through. That's when the downloads come through and not doing it with that expectation, but it always is when it happens.

Janette Downie (44:08)
No,

no you can't. can't be like, I'm gonna sit here and do nothing.

Carly (44:13)
and come up

with my next great idea.

Janette Downie (44:15)
Right. you're so right. I've been challenging myself with that in the evenings. My big goal right now is like creating a lot of space between me and my phone and just not using my phone for escape mindless scrolling. So instead, I'm like last night, I literally was like, okay, I'm just doing nothing. I'm just like, what is this? Yes. And the number

Carly (44:31)
Yes.

And isn't it so uncomfortable?

In that moment,

I'm like, I can feel myself like pulled to reach for my phone or like going through.

Janette Downie (44:49)
It's that physical feeling of like, I? I? And I'm like, no, no, just keep sitting with it. And then I ended up doing, I ended up looking up like a video to do like a somatic dance. And it was so fun. I don't know why, this is what I mean. Like I had no intention of doing that. And as I was just sitting there doing nothing, I was like, I think I'm gonna do some movement. And then I just like.

started typing into the TV like somatic movement and then I did this amazing dance routine and I felt so good afterwards but I was like yeah this is so cool what came out of that.

Carly (45:29)
I love that. Okay, first of all, I need this dance. You need to send me the link. Drop it in the comments, apparently.

Janette Downie (45:31)
I'll send it to you.

Another thing that I also felt silly, I'm thinking about Kennedy and her free dancing and just like, I felt very silly and was like, my gosh, if my neighbors could see me through the window, they would be like, what is going on in this house right now? But it felt amazing.

Carly (45:48)
Right?

And there's so much science behind that kind of movement and how it regulates. to me, that was a perfect example of you sat in the discomfort, you were present with yourself, and then this ping, this down-lit came through that's just like out of nowhere, you need to do this dance. And then that made you feel so good. Right?

Janette Downie (46:06)
Wow. Right? Like I've never done it before. Like I've never

done it. I don't know why it came to me. It just was like, you gotta do this.

Carly (46:14)
And

think of the difference. I'm thinking of like, you know, those side-by-side videos where like, you see the one video of like, if you connect with your partner in all these moments versus picking up your phone, but okay, what if you connect with yourself versus picking up your phone? And for you, if you, maybe you had picked up your phone in that moment and you would like have seen something that triggered you and then you would have like, you know, gone down the rabbit hole in this. And then suddenly an hour passes and you're like, what did I just do with my time versus you just like did this dance and feel so good and like.

Janette Downie (46:23)
Yes.

And it's not like if I had been scrolling that I and if I saw a video of else doing that, it would not have motivated me to do it in the way that you might think or like sometimes I'll trick myself and be like, I'm gonna like see what's going on in the world. What's interesting? What are people trying? And then I'm gonna go do it. And it's like that never happens, right? Never, never.

Carly (46:44)
we're able to show for yourself.

Right.

Nope. Nope.

Exactly. You just keep scrolling right past. I'll do that later. I'll save this for later. Yeah. Class.

Janette Downie (47:15)
Thank you for later. Yeah. To the saints

that I've never, ever looked at.

Carly (47:20)
Yeah. Right?

Janette Downie (47:23)
Okay, so

I'm going to go into our not so rapid rapid five questions. And I keep evolving these because they just continue to change and take shape and form. My original intention was like, I'm going to ask the exact same questions every single time to every single person. But then, you know, something changes or I want to buy something new. So you have some similar questions, some different ones to ones that I've asked in the past, but

Carly (47:44)
Yeah.

Janette Downie (47:51)
First question is, what is one thing that you no longer apologize for?

Carly (47:56)
Mmm, taking up space.

Janette Downie (48:01)
Yes.

Carly (48:02)
And being myself. And being myself.

mean, yeah, when things happen where I just know I was true to myself in that moment, I don't need to apologize for the way that that made someone else feel because I know I was true to my values and myself and can stand in that and the way that they react is not my business.

Janette Downie (48:22)
Yeah, oh that's good. I love that. It makes me even think of just all the times that we apologize for like our feelings or even just like someone crying or you know all of that.

Carly (48:35)
My daughter has been my best teacher with that, the emotions, because she's so sensitive and such a feeler. And like, re-parenting myself to be able to hold space for her emotions has been so huge. So I love that too, like not apologizing for being emotional. I still do that though. So that's not my answer, because I still need to work on that.

Janette Downie (48:50)
Yes.

Okay, that's okay. You're on the way. Okay, what's the smallest thing that makes the biggest difference for you for your mental health?

Carly (48:56)
Yeah, I'll do it.

Ooh, a walk in nature.

Janette Downie (49:10)
Yeah.

Carly (49:10)
think

anytime, and like my husband knows this about me, when he can like see me kind of see it shifting, he's like, why don't you go for a walk? And I realized, especially like, I mean, in the winter Ontario right now, I'm staring out at like giant banks of snow. Like we've had the wildest winter and I lost my dog. I had to goodbye to my dog in early December and that she was my walking buddy. So I was like not walking for.

Janette Downie (49:35)
Hmm.

Carly (49:38)
Like a solid two months. And I was like, Oh my God, this is really having a big impact on me. So just even like between calls, when I need a little refresh, just like that one walk can truly make me do 180.

Janette Downie (49:55)
Mm-hmm. I love that so much and totally resonate with that. What is your go-to move? And maybe it's the same thing, but your go-to move when everything feels like it's just too much.

Carly (50:07)
Hmm.

probably meditate, go for a walk, maybe walking meditation. Yeah, tune into myself. Like I close my screens, absolutely. Just shut everything down and get quiet with myself. Let myself cry. That's been a big one for me. Just like letting myself almost have a little temper tantrum. I think that I think I've learned that just the importance of feeling through it and just like letting myself have a moment.

Janette Downie (50:11)
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Carly (50:38)
so that it doesn't linger. Cause when I, when I let it happen and feel it, then I can move on from it so much faster and better.

Janette Downie (50:45)
Absolutely.

Yeah. You could give one permission slip to yourself today. What would it say?

Carly (50:57)
That's a good one.

think it would be just speak your truth. Speak your truth, don't water it down out of fear of how other people will react or how it will impact them. I've done a lot of work to like really get clarity around my truth and now I'm here to express it and share it and not hide it anymore.

Janette Downie (51:29)
I can't wait to read it in your book.

Carly (51:31)
Stay

tuned.

Janette Downie (51:35)
Okay,

and then lastly, how about a permission slip for someone who's listening right now feeling really run down and exhausted from just trying to do it all? What's the permission slip you're giving?

Carly (51:48)
remember that it's just a season. think, I think I just always need that reminder that everything is a season. And I remember that in the, the good times in the hard times. And, I think also leaning on, on your gratitude in that season, that's been a huge one for me. So I went through a pretty challenging fall and I just really got tapped back into my gratitude practice. the little things go such.

a long way. just focus on, you know, one to three things right now that you feel deep gratitude for. And you'll realize the list keeps building from there.

Janette Downie (52:30)
Yeah, it gets easier the more you say it and the more you do it for sure. I love that so much. Thank you for sharing that and thank you for everything that you shared today. I have had the most fun just chatting, chatting life and business and motherhood and all the things. We went to so many places today and I'm so grateful for you and for your time and for sharing with us. So thank you for being here.

Carly (52:35)
Yes.

So many.

Thank you so much for having me and timing is everything. had, your audience doesn't know that we've literally, I had canceled twice on this and I'm so glad that it happened now when it was meant to and just trusting in that. And, and just this conversation was better than I could have imagined. So believing in, yeah, leaving room for the possibilities once again.

Janette Downie (53:01)
Yes.

Exactly.

Yeah, 100%. And thank you to everyone who joined us and listened in today. We're also so grateful for you and for being present with us. So thank you for sharing in this space and until next time, we will see you again soon.

Carly (53:32)
Yay, thank you.

Janette Downie (53:37)
Yay!